Greg Lohan

What to Do when Your Partner Doesn’t Like You Watching Porn

Barter, Dealings, Love & Relationships

1-maxresdefaultLet’s be honest: most men watch porn. Many women enjoy it, too – whether it’s your standard filmed porn, erotic art, or written erotica, human beings are wired to enjoy representations of sex. But that can cause problems if your partner feels jealous or upset over your viewing habits. What can you do if your partner doesn’t like you watching porn? You don’t necessarily have to go cold turkey or start deleting your browser history. Here’s some tips for discussing it in a way that leads you both to a compromise you can live with honestly and happily. However, there are scams abound so only trust reviews of real sites in this space and rely on ratings for good fun that are real.

Find Out What They Don’t Like

Do they feel like you’re comparing them to porn actors or actresses – and they’re coming up short? Do they have moral objections (which can be anywhere on the spectrum from feminist to religious conservative)? Or are they upset by the idea of you getting aroused by something that doesn’t involve them at all? The first step in having a productive conversation about porn is finding out what it is that bothers your partner. You need to identify the problem before you can come up with a way to compromise about it.

This is a good time to state where your limits are. If you aren’t going to stop watching it, don’t let your partner think that’s an option. If you’re open to changing the kind of porn you watch or the situations you watch it in, let them know that, too.

Ask Them What They Want

2-couple-beach-sexy-552lm101609So you’ve had the conversation about what they object to and what you are and aren’t willing to do, right? From here, instead of offering a compromise on your own, let them have some control. Ask your partner what kind of solution they want. Since you’ve already told them that you’re not going to stop entirely, they may have something else in mind that they’d be happy with: this is a good time to let them express that. If it’s a compromise that you’re okay with, too, then you’re done! If they ask for something you can’t or won’t give them, or if they don’t have any ideas for a compromise, you’re going to have to be the one to offer suggestions. For instance, if they’re upset because they feel like you’re looking at bodies that are more attractive than theirs, the solution might involve reassuring your partner that you do find their body attractive. If they feel like professionally produced porn is misogynist or coercive, maybe watching amateur or woman-friendly porn is the solution. If they don’t like you being aroused without their involvement, you might consider watching together. Maybe they just don’t want to know about what you’re watching, and the solution is simply for you to be discreet.

Keep The Agreement

This is where a lot of problems happen. Once you’ve agreed on a solution, keep it up. Don’t change what you’re doing behind their back, and don’t agree to anything that you genuinely don’t think you can do. If you need to revisit the agreement later – whether it’s your partner or you that wants to make changes – be honest and straightforward when revisiting it, and keep to the old agreement until you make a new one. Lying about what you’re doing is only ever sustainable if you’re 100% certain your partner will never find out… and the odds are not on your side.

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