February 1, 2016
They say when you love someone; you have to accept all their flaws along with their strengths. But what happens if what you can’t accept is their smoking habit? You could handle it when both of you were dating, maybe because you were too focused on how your partner’s lips looked around the cigarette, rather than thinking of any long-term ramifications of living with a smoker. When the both of you were dating, your partner probably took special care to make sure that you won’t be negatively affected by his smoking. He probably ate mints to make sure you wouldn’t smell the smoke in his breath, or sprayed deodorant to mask the stench of cigarettes on their clothes.
But now that you have gotten hitched, the need to put their best foot forward to impress you is gone. You find yourself living with someone that has impossibly bad breath, and the air in your home is always smoky. How do you deal with this?
In all relationships, a certain level of honesty is required. If you are at the end of your tether in dealing with the effects of secondhand smoke, the best thing to do would be to have a good long talk to your partner about their smoking habits. Make sure you do this when both of you are in a relatively calm state of mind so that it doesn’t end in a screaming match or a blame game. Just tell him that you are not comfortable with him smoking in the house or when you are out on your dates. Be willing to compromise with him; for instance, tell him that if he wants to smoke he can smoke outside the house in your yard, instead of in your shared bedroom.
You can also encourage him to quit smoking. This is indefinitely more difficult than you just compromising with him, but it will have better effects in the long run. In addition to the harm that will befall you from inhaling years of secondhand smoke, think about your future children. If children are not on the cards now, they will be eventually. Pregnant women and young children do not grow up well in an environment filled with secondhand smoke. If you are pregnant, or thinking of having children, it is an important point to bring up to your partner.
No good parent would wilfully jeopardize their child’s health, and if your partner cared he would make the effort to quit, or at least make the home a smoke-free environment for both of you. It may seem to be a low blow (using your children as a bargaining chip), but remember, all is fair in love and war, and getting him to quit smoking happens to be both.
Another important thing to note is that you should not threaten him if you want him to quit smoking. We know that your heart is in the right place and your intentions are good, but threatening him in order to get him to quit will backfire terribly. Smoking is an addiction that is ridiculously hard to kick, and what he needs is actually your support, not an ultimatum that makes him choose between you and his cigarettes.
May 29, 2016